How To Get Over A Heartbreak
Well, the time has come! As most of you know I’ve been dealing with this little thing called heartbreak. And by little thing, I mean it truly was the most pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I know I’m (very) dramatic but I’m not kidding you, it was horrendous. I was begging my friends to stab me in the arm and promised I wouldn’t call the cops. Honestly, very kind of me. I just wanted to deal with a different kind of pain, was that so much to ask? I realize now how fucked up that sounds but don’t worry I quickly realized it was way too much work anyway. I’m lazy at heart.
So minor stabbing options aside, how do you get through a heartbreak? Well, it’s different than “just a breakup” for sure. Because if we’re talking about heartbreak it means we’re pretty much still in love with our now former partner. Maybe nothing bad happened? Maybe you just decided to go your separate ways? I don’t know what happened to you but I do know it absolutely blows. Yeah, I said BLOWS!
Here are my “tips” for getting through heartbreak. I put tips in quotes because I’m still navigating this myself. But the keyword I want you to remember is getting THROUGH it. Whoever tells you to get over it, needs to please excuse themselves like YESTERDAY. You don’t need to get over it, you need to get through it and heal along the way.
Please keep in mind, this is still a developing story as I might have more “tips” while navigating the topic at hand. *ugh*
LEAN
The moment you get your heart broken, it’s time to lean on your people. You simply cannot do this alone. I don’t care if you haven’t talked to “so and so” in a while, you need to reach out to them for support. The second my former life vanished, I called my friends and family. I never ask for help, I don’t really lean on people. I put everyone's needs before my own to my own detriment. At that moment, I simply broke. I utilized Facetime for the people I love that couldn’t physically be there for me and had my closest friends come by. I am not kidding you, I do not know what I would’ve done without this support system. I feel as though I owe my life to these people. I am lucky enough to have people that dropped everything to be by my side. Handling this on your own does not make you strong. Asking for help does not make you weak. This is what life is about, having people catch you when you fall. I promise you, lean on your people.
I also highly recommend therapy. My therapist kept me in check and made me feel like I was going to be okay. Therapy is essential and not just when you’re heartbroken. If you have a million thoughts running through your mind, you need someone to support you that isn’t just a friend. IT IS OKAY TO BE IN THERAPY. Everyone should be fucking required!
MUTE
It’s hard to do because it’s easier to torture ourselves but you have to do it. Mute anyone and everyone that is going to trigger you. This doesn’t mean you aren’t going to deal with your feelings and forget your past. But in order to heal you need a clear enough mind. You have enough on your plate for God's Sake! Press the mute button as fast as you can on Instagram etc. Trust me, I wish I would’ve done it sooner. I owe many panic attacks to Instagram. It just hurts too much. A friend said to me, “It’s not that anyone is doing anything bad, they’re just witnessing his life and you’re not, and that’s fucking hard.” At that moment, I pressed mute.
FEEL
You have to FEEL it to HEAL it. Sit in bed and cry AS MUCH AS YOU WANT. If you shove this down and try to just “move on” good luck. If you are truly heartbroken, burying your hurt is not going to help you in the long run. You are going to go through the 5 stages of grief and they are going to suck. It feels like someone died but in reality, they fully exist (duh). So you HAVE to go through this loss now, not later. I allowed myself to feel. I went through denial, the hardest acceptance, depression, anxiety, you name it. But I let myself feel it all. It is completely normal to feel. Having my therapist help navigate these feelings helped me more than I can even explain.
REMINDERS WHILE YOU’RE FEELING
Healing is not linear. You will accept it one day and feel great. But don’t beat yourself up when five days later you’re balling crying in bed again. You might even have a panic attack in the Cheesecake Factory bathroom! But if you listen to step one, you’ll have someone there to pick you up and take you back to that amazing bread. (yes that was really something that happened). There is no perfect recipe or pattern to follow, all you can do is your best to stay on the path of healing
Feelings are not FACTS. You need to honor your feelings, but simply remember they are not facts while doing so. Do you feel like you’re not good enough? I get it, but it’s not TRUE. Do you feel like you’re going to DIE ALONE!? I get it, but you aren’t. Do you feel like a crazy person? Duh! This shit makes you feel fucking crazy! But sorry, you’re not crazy, you’re just heartbroken. These are simply feelings, not truths. Honor them by feeling them, don’t shove them down, but remember you are not just heartbroken, you are still you. And you are amazing.
TRUST
This is the hardest but most important stage of healing. If you follow my YouTube channel you know I talk a lot about patience and trust. This was the first time in my life I actually accepted I was powerless over a situation. I didn’t try to control it. I didn’t try to take action towards my break up. I put my head down, took a deep breath, and trusted the process. For me, I leaned on my higher power. I know that there is a plan bigger than myself. I know I am not fully in control of the universe. All I can control is me so I turned the rest over to the universe and simply focused on healing my life. With that trust, the healing truly began.
PATIENCE
So you think this healing happens overnight? HA! Like I said, if you deeply loved this person, you’re going to be heartbroken for a minute girlfriend. But guess what! With trust and patience, you are going to be just fine. When you turn it over to the universe, all you do next is stay patient. It’s literally all you can do. I mean honestly how exhausting does it sound trying to change things out of your control? You can control yourself, make decisions on how to heal and feel, but that’s it. The moment I began practicing this patience while allowing myself to feel, my life shifted. I felt lighter, I felt more in control of myself while also knowing my high power had my back. When something would happen, I would just say, “this SUCKS, but okay, I got this”. And, “I got this” meant so many different things. It was taking the next right action, whether that action was just doing something good for myself or allowing myself to cry in bed, I did it. With that patience, I was able to accept my life for what it was and actively work on improving it however I could. Not change reality, but make it better, for ME. I made decisions to move, fly home, spend time alone or with friends, I rolled with the punches.
WATCH THE DAMN TELEVISION
Just please don’t sit on Instagram. I had this moment when I was seeing all of these people in love on my feed and I thought, “fuck...I was that person just a few weeks ago”. I know it sounds crazy, but I immediately felt this huge wave of empathy for anyone who ever has gone through heartbreak and had to scroll like I was just then. It’s just...sad. So put down your phone and watch the damn television. Did I torture myself with some rom coms? Well yeah. And I still do! They make me cry, but sometimes it’s good to cry. Then I naturally switched to Sex And The City. So this is the key! Find a show that makes you FEEL GOOD. For me, Sex And The City was literally what I needed. Watching them go through SO many relationship issues, no matter how silly it was, made me feel way less insane. I thought, “Omg they’ve all gotten broken up with so many times! And look at her 3 seasons later! Look at them having fun! Men are idiots!” And it’s also just hilarious light, and silly. This is just ONE season of your life, and we all go through it. But we GET through it, so enjoy the ride as much as you can, this is still your life after all. So by enjoying I really just mean don’t cry in bed...cry in bed AND watch a good show at the same time! I also love a good thriller binge, I binged SO many shows about murder its actually kind of scary? I just love getting sucked in and being in suspense! I don’t think about my life, I'm just IN IT. You seriously get out of your head and you’re letting your body rest. Trauma lives in our bodies, don’t feel bad for being a sloth, you need to let your body rest too. Of course, get out of the house for fresh air blah blah, but keep in mind this happened to me during a pandemic so I don’t really know much about leaving the house quite yet.
(if you prefer reading that’s fine, I love reading, but I was just too exhausted)
So overall, I leaned on my people, felt my feelings, stayed patient, and watched a shit ton of TV! You do not have to get over this. You don’t need to immediately move on. Take your time., you just need to get THROUGH this. Allow yourself to actually heal. When you look back in a year you will truly thank yourself for dealing with what NEEDED to be dealt with. What I’m doing now is focusing on myself. I’m not looking for someone else to heal me. I’ve realized that I have the most amazing friends along the way. My relationships with them have truly never been more deep and meaningful. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and honest. I didn’t hold back. And now I have this beautiful silver lining of deeper friendships. Seriously, I thank God every night for them and I might have not had that without this heartbreak. I didn’t rush, I still feel a lot of feelings. People still need to be on mute. I still need to cry. But by doing things that are good for me, I get stronger every day. I can honestly say I am proud of myself for how I’ve handled this.
Well, I could write a million more “tips” considering I’m still in it but I’ll stop here for now.
Let me know how you’re healing and keep feeling.
You are amazing.